I stayed pretty active in high school. I weighed anywhere from 115-120 pounds. Even then, I thought I was "the fat girl." I constantly grabbed my stomach "fat" and refused to wear a bikini in front of my friends. (What I wouldn't give to have that body now). My weight and self-esteem ebbed and flowed throughout my four years of high school, and by the end of my senior year, I felt pretty "ok" with myself. I was about 115 lbs, finally got comfortable with doing something worthwhile with my hair, and even lipstick every now and then. This was a big deal to the tomboy in me! I never had a shortage of guys interested in me, although I always felt like I was the girl that the other guys didn't want, so whoever talked to me got "stuck" with me. I don't know where this lack of self-esteem came from, but oh, buddy. It was there.
|See that confidence? Where did it go?|
In college, I definitely kept going back and forth with my weight. I was ranging from 115lbs - 130lbs. Whenever I saw that 130 something number, I would crazy yo-yo diet. Starve myself, take weight loss pills that made me crazy, etc. I got into a serious relationship, put on tons of weight while with him, and went on another crazy diet to lose the weight when we broke up. See the cycle here?
|College is O-V-E-R. Weight battle still on-going.|
|Wedding day. Not the size I wanted to be.|
|Me at my heaviest :(|
I am almost 30 years old (eek!), but I finally realize that I have a problem. I did not grow up in a family that valued physical health/fitness. We ate everything a good family did: fried this and buttery that. I didn't learn from my family good things like portion control, balance, and making fitness a priority. I was just such an active kid naturally that I never had to put any real effort into it. But, all that aside, I need to change. I have an unhealthy obsession with food, and it's hard for me to say no when offered something. So many important family and life events have revolved around food. I really need to watch what I'm putting into my body, and stop yo-yo dieting: I need to eat in a way that is sustainable. And frankly, I need to get off my my lazy butt and make fitness a priority. No excuses!
|Feeling confident and fit.|
I heard someone say once that eating right was 70% of the battle and working out was 30%. Whether true or not, I need to d something different. Last week I weighed in at 155lbs. That is 17lbs more than I weighed last August. I know it's not going to be easy, but I need to make a lifestyle change. I need to sustain this way of life, because I know things are only going to get harder as I get older. I started back up the Couch to 5K program, and am on week two this week. It's a small step, but I really do miss that feeling after completing a 5K. I am also going to try and go on bike rides with Joel, and try to make more of our date nights activity orientated. I know I said it before, but I really want to make myself accountable. Even Joel doesn't know my real weight (although he may now...hi, honey!). Wish me luck. I have never made myself so vulnerable when talking about my weight.
|Me, April 2013. Just turned 29.|