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Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of.
There are two things I am equally afraid of. I'm afraid of dying and of something happening to Joel.
Let's start with death. I am Catholic and believe in God and the heavens, but I am always so fearful of the unknown. Am I good enough for God to call me up? And if so, what is that like? Will I see my family and loved ones that I've lost, or is there a feeling of "nothing?" And what if I'm not good enough? What is waiting on that side terrifies me.
And with Joel, well...he's in the military. While he doesn't work a combat specific job, he still deploys to unsafe areas. Yes, I know anything can happen at anytime no matter how safe someone is, but when he told me how terrified he was when he was deployed in Iraq listening to mortars go off while he tried to sleep, well...I couldn't help myself. I cried a fearful cry. I cried because he had to endure fear like that, and I cried at the thought of losing him forever.
I also fear that something medical will take him away from me. His older brother, Nathan, passed away last year due to complications while he was undergoing cancer treatment. We were at his side when he passed, and looking at the pain in his wife's eyes, well...I'm tearing up now just remembering it. Nathan was a great man and a wonderful human being, always a kind soul. And so is Joel. My heart aches for Nathan's wife as she tries to live her life, but it terrifies me to think of it happening to Joel one day.