Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Is this Lifestyle really for me?

Ok, precursor to the title.  Joel and I are fine.  Amazing, actually.  So this has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with me.  And yes, we've discussed.

The military lifestyle, for me at least, is...different.  Some people mesh very well with it.  They live on post and love it, always attend the family support meetings (the Army calls it an FRG, I am not sure what the Air Force calls it).  They love moving, getting new orders, and seem to make insta friends wherever they go.  This is not me. 

And I don't mean to sound like I am bashing this breed of military wife.  I envy it, actually.  It takes me a while to find my groove in a new place.  I would never live on base, unless forced.  I don't like the military to envelope my life.  I love that my husband feels joy in what he does.  But what he does and what I do are two different things.  I need the separation from the base.  Minus the time spent overseas, we rarely shop on base, and when Joel gets off of work, the uniform gets taken off and I feel like I can return to my "normal" life.

And I HATE moving.  See previous post about my lack of a career happening, but I hate resigning from one job to search for another, make another house a home, all to realize that I have to do it all again in 2-3 years.  I hate leaving old and amazing friends, and it is hard for me to put myself out there to make new ones.  I hate that one of the first questions I am asked is "what rank is your husband?"  I hate deployments and TDYs.  I hear all the time "thank God he's leaving for a week" but I loathe away time from my hubby.  I hate when he gets called in or stays late for nonsense that only the military can make up.

A lot of rambling just to say while some spouses thrive in this kind of lifestyle, I have yet to find my groove in it.  Luckily I seem to have met at least one person here that makes me feel normal and myself, and doesn't define me by my husband, what he does, or what his rank is.  I am trying my best to be open, and will of course continue to support and love my husband to my greatest ability, but I hope that someday I grow more fond of what this lifestyle has to offer.  And if anyone has any friendly advice, it is always welcome.


Shelly said...

No advice because my feelings are very similar to yours, which is why my hubby and I are really considering making major changes to the career path. I'm not sure if he'll get out, or just go with some alternative options within the military, but we've decided the happiness of our family is the most important thing and everything else will be worked out.

Rebekah said...

We're pretty new to this lifestyle (husband commissioned a year ago to AF) and I feel pretty much the same. It's taken some getting used to. We don't live on base so I already feel a bit separated, but I like that. I don't feel like his job takes over our family of just us. Once he's home, he's home. It really just feels like another job except that it tells us where to go and all that. We don't have kids yet and I'm literally the only one without them out of all the people I know, so that's kind of weird. It's just a different dynamic than what I'm used to. It's been great so far, but just different.

Jessa said...

I don't mind moving, or living on post, but I'm not one to go out and do the 'military wife' thing.

Katiellirb said...

Hello military twin wife! I LOVED this post! It is EXACTLY how I feel! We both view the Air Force as my husband's job and not our lifestyle. We live no where near base and have pretty much nothing to do with it once he leaves. It doesn't have to be a lifestyle. Think about it - do you wear your work uniform outside of work? Does anyone you know? Im not against those who do make it there life, but for us, it just doesn't work that way. So glad to have found someone who can relate!

ALW said...

I could not agree with your post more. We're the exact same way. Before we lived overseas I NEVER went on base. We lived 30 minutes away from base too. Now that we're in Italy, we still don't live in the government housing, and I rarely go on base. I think it's a lot different when you don't have children too. Most base functions are geared toward families with children. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone with how you feel. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, found your blog through Brittney Longs Blog and I wanted to say I'm right there with you on this! With being overseas it's been a HUGE adjustment as it's so in your face but when we were stateside we were very civilian other than going to his job we had really nothing to do with the base or military. I am glad though you have found someone who can keep you sane while being over the pond.

SoCal Sweetheart said...

Hi there im theresa, new follower fellow af wife! ive also had these thoughts too and i hate getting attached to a place then having to move, we live on base and he just came back from his first tdy. i had to have a real open mind to what i was gettin myself into and let me tell u it takes a long time to get used to it. i hope u find some great advice put together from all of us!

if u would like to follow me back @ http://socalsweetheart.blogspot.com/ i like making new military wife friends!!!

hope ur having a great week