Wednesday, September 7, 2011

What do I want to be when I grow up?

We all asked ourselves this as kids, right?  Some of us wanted to be doctors or lawyers, some firefighters or cops, and some chefs or moms.  I knew from the time I was little that I wanted to be an attorney.  When I went to college, I majored in Political Science because I thought that it would give me an advantage in Law School.  I eventually double majored in History because I just grew to love it, so when I graduated I received a B.S. in both.  I also lived out a dream by moving abroad and living in Europe.  Along the way, the unexpected occurred.  I met Joel, who I fell madly in love with, who also told me that he wanted to be a career Air Force Officer.  Insert tire screech here.  I almost didn't date him.  Why?  Because I have never met a military spouse who also had their dream career.  But in the end, love won out and I don't regret my decision at all.

I had a great job in Germany working for the army, and learned a lot of life lessons along the way.  I decided that being an attorney, trying to go to law school and retaking the bar every two to three years in a new state, just wasn't going to be feasible while also being a spouse.  So, I decided I would teach.  That is why I am going for my Masters in Special Education.  In the meantime, I feel conflicted.  I have never not worked.  I got a job at 14, and even worked full time while in college.  It is very hard to find a professional job where I am.  I live is SW IL, right over the border from St. Louis, but to go to the city and work would put a strain on my family time and my stress level while in grad school.  Rush hour in the morning is NOT fun.

I accepted a job a month ago part time making half of what I made overseas and doing something way below my skill level.  I anguished over this decision.  Sure, it was a paycheck, and albeit small one, but I felt like I shouldn't have taken it.  I felt like doing so wasn't doing anything for my self-esteem or for my family time.  I didn't get a degree to work on Sundays with no benefits, right?  So, after much discussion with my husband, I put in my resignation.  It just wasn't worth it.  Now, I am on the job hunt again.

This is probably the hardest thing for me as a military spouse.  Why is it so difficult for us to also have personal satisfaction in our careers?  I keep hearing about all of these hiring initiatives, but I think they are all crap!  Potential employers know when our resumes are so diverse who we are and I have been downright shot down because of it.  I wish I knew what to do to fix this or change it, but right now I just feel stuck.  Hopefully I can find something soon, but in the meantime I am unemployed for the first time in my life, and I hate it.

1 comment:

Tay said...

It is SO hard to have satisfaction. I just graduated from law school and despite applying to way to many jobs to say publicly, I still am unemployed. I had great grades and work experience, but I'm new to the market here (moved with my husband) and we'll be moving again, so it's almost impossible to be an attorney when the bar costs 4 grand plus takes 6 months to do (study, take it, wait, find a job). It's very, very hard to have a professional career. Sigh.