Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Friends

(Me and my bestie at my wedding)

As we get older, does anyone find it more difficult to make friends?  I am finding myself in this predicament.  I know part of that is that I moved all of the way to Germany, but I didn't encounter this sort of problem until recently.  Not that I need a large group of friends, but always the token few that I can turn to if I am really in need.  I feel like I am so caught up at work and school that I don't get out and randomly socialize anymore.  I don't get out to volunteer as much, and ever since the Pugmeister (my dog) has been in the states with my mom, I don't meet people out on walks anymore.  I know its cliche to say that my husband is my best friend but, well, he is.  And I am very thankful for that.  Not only because its nice to find that quality in a partner, but also because we just don't know that many people over here anymore.  People move often, which is half of the battle, and sometimes they even deploy and their family moves back to the states.  And sure, I still have some buddies here which I am über thankful for, but I miss the days of Monday Margherita night and getting together to watch Amazing Race and trading off dinners.  I miss game night and bolwing night being a weekly event.  Anyone else find that making friends when they get older is tough?  How do you go about being more of a social butterfly?

My other issue with friends right now I have to be vague about, but here goes.  I have a friend who I recently discovered did a very bad thing.  Deplorable, actually.  And I don't know what to do about it.  It really changes how I think about them.  My husband knows, as I tell him everything, and even he feels akward being around them.  But, I am not one for confrontation and, well, they were a very close friend of mine.  I am so conflicted.  Do I say anything?  Because, the kicker is, they don't even know that I know.  Ugh...

4 comments:

Newly Mrs. Cravinho said...

I do think it gets harder to make friends as we get older. I'm brand new to military life, and it is definitely an adjustment. I have maybe 1 friend where we are stationed at now, but luckily we are PCSing overseas in a few months. My goal is to try and get really involved, and really work at meeting people. I think as we get older we have to make more of an effort to make friends. My hubby is my best friend, but sometimes it is nice to socialize with someone other than him, lol.
As for your issue with your friend... Personally I am a really straightforward person. I would let them know that you know. If you are really close you should be able to talk about it, and I can't imagine how awkward it would be to have such a big "elephant in the room." Sorry my comment turned into a paragraph!

Alison said...

It is really tough to make new friends as an adult, especially being in the military. I feel lucky if I make one real friend at each post. I try to volunteer, go to book clubs/social groups, playdates, etc... but it is still hard.

I'm sorry to hear about your close friend. That must be awful to have such a close friend do something that bad. I think one of the reasons we are friends with our friends is because we can relate to them and have similar beliefs. To then find out different must cause you to question the friendship. I hope you find a solution or peace.

hurryupandwaitandwait said...

Yes! I find that as I get older, I have a hard time connecting with people. I have a lot of acquaintances, but when it comes right down to who I would call in the middle of the night? I'm not sure I have anyone like that here. My husband is also my best friend and he's always been very reserved, so he doesn't go out and purposefully make friends either. Sometimes it frustrating to put yourself out there like that all the time, and I just want to stop!!
I'm so sorry about your friend. Like Mrs. Cravinho, I'm pretty straightforward as well and would tell her I knew about it. Either way, the relationship is being strained and she might need someone to talk to about it.

Uncork and Unwined said...

It's definitely more difficult to find friends and keep in touch with friends, the older we get. Meeting new friends is kind of like dating. You hope they like you and will call again! lol... We were so lucky to have met you and J last year and Im proud to call you guys friends. Now we just have to work and staying in touch after you PCS!

As for your friend- since it is one of your very close friends, I would be straightforward and honest with them and tell them what you know. I wouldnt accuse them of anything, simply them them what you found out and give them an opportunity to explain. I hope it works out for you!
Let's get together soon- maybe brunch at Sanders on Sunday?