Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Who are any of us to judge?

So, I read something yesterday that upset me greatly.  And if you all don't mind, please feel free to share your opinion of this.

Basically, the article said that women that have children don't trust other women that don't.  As in, it is a growing trend for mothers to distrust non-mothers, especially in a work environment.  I was taken aback by this.  I have never judged a woman for being a mother.  Even when it went against what I personally do (i.e. brand new 18 year old newlyweds that are immediately pregnant out of choice) because it is not my marriage, my body, or my child.  Some people simply can not have children, no matter how hard they try.  Even though they desire motherhood like no other.  Some people have psychological issues where it is hard for them, for whatever reason, do go down that route.  Some people, myself included, just aren't ready yet.  And to be honest, I don't know if I will ever be ready.  But, that is between me and my husband, and no one else.  It isn't that I hate children.  I have a Goddaughter that I love dearly.  But, I want to finish school and live my life a little bit before I bring another into this world.  Is there ever a perfect time?  No.  But why should I have a child before I am ready?  Because society thinks so?  Well, I don't.  And I don't think that it is fair to judge me for my decisions.  I volunteer my time with special needs children, loving my Goddaughter, and animal rescue, and right now that is enough for me.

So, before you (not you my readers, but the proverbial you) think about judging someone and distrusting them just because they are not mothers, just stop before you get there.  Think about the fact that they just may not be able to and your constant berating or judging breaks their heart every single time.  Think about the person that is giving back to children in need, and for right now, that is all they have to give.  Or, just mind your own business 

"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

"Judge not, that you be not judged."


smiley_netta said...

I don't understand why people would be that way...studies like that tend to shock me with results. Maybe it's because society as a whole sees motherhood as the culmination of responsibility and selflessness? *Something* has to trigger that. I, personally, definitely do NOT agree with trusting a woman less because of a lack of having kids. And major kudos to you for waiting until you're ready! I was so NOT ready, with either of my boys! There are many days I find myself wishing that I had had more time to be my own person and dealing with issues I needed to work through before being THAT responsible for another human being! Don't listen to society, and stick to your guns of waiting until you are ready!

Natalia said...

Totally agree with you. What about all the elementary school teachers that don't have children?!? They seem to do a pretty good job with kids! I have yet to really feel the pull to have a kid, in fact, I often wonder if it's right for me to bring a child to this crazy world. Many of my friends have been focused on school, career and travel and have yet to think about kids...and we're all in our 30s. My husband would love to have 3 kids but I said we can start with one (after our deployments) and go from there!

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with you! You are very right in that many people wait to have kids, or simply can't have kids at all! The husband and I are waiting. The deployments, the move, (and the fact that we currently live in a quasi-paradise-like state) make us want to wait. Will we have kids? Maybe. Do I think I should be trusted less because of my decision? No. I LOVE kids, but I'm not prepared to bring one into this world at this moment. Good for you for listening to yourself and knowing yourself enough to wait on the kids front. That takes a level a maturity that should not be looked down upon.

MooAtU2 said...

Sometimes I do feel that way when I offer to babysit other people's kids. Which is weird because I used to do lots of babysitting when I was in my teens, but now as an adult who's married without children, I get looks from them like I'm incapable.