Thursday, August 8, 2013

Losing it (Control)

I am a bit of a control freak.  It's not something that I am particularly proud of, but at the same time, I can't help it.  When we watch tv at home, I always have to have the remote.  When we go on vacation, I already have a detailed list of what we are doing, where we are eating, and the most expedient route to do these things.  And don't even think of asking me if I want to grab dinner without at least a day's notice.  I have already mentally prepared for tomorrow's schedule (even if it includes nothing more than cleaning and errands), and it takes me out of my comfort zone to be spontaneous.

As a military life, the fact that I am not in control of our destiny stresses me out immensely.  I know I can't control things, and it kills me a little on the inside.  I know that Joel will be getting orders next year.  What I don't know is where they will be to (or if he will get another assignment here).  I don't know whether I should be looking for another federal job, looking to teach, and if I teach, will my licenses transfer.  Will it be somewhere stateside, or overseas?  And if overseas, will there be any quarantines for the pets?  Is the job market good, what will housing look like (off base, hopefully...never on).  What will the weather be like, will I love it or hate it...  It's not even for ten more months, but I can't stop constantly thinking about it.

I don't know how to curb my constant need to control things (and the stresses that are present if I can't).  Joel is so laid back, thank God, because we definitely need to compliment each other in this area.  He loves moving and I hate it.  I am so thankful that he is there to mellow me out, but I don't even know what to look for for next year?  Should I still try to network here and move up after my practicum, or should I maintain the status quo because we might leave soon?  Should we try to sell or rent our house (I am totally going to miss our little house!)?  I know that only God knows the answers to these questions, and I know my destiny is in His control, but it's still hard not knowing.  Is the unknown this scary for anyone else?


Anonymous said...

Love that photo at the beginning of the post. I need to work on that more.

Kristin said...

For real now, I think you're writing about me.

Because I have the same thoughts on a regular basis.

The "making plans" thing totally fits me! I need at least 24 hours notice, or I can't mentally prepare.

Jen said...

This is 100% me as well! I'm such a control freak and stress out when last minute things happen.

Katiellirb said...

Those are all HUGE changes so you have every reason to hyperventalate. Trust me - going through the same questions/issues/confusions last year, I can attest that you will get through it, and even more, you will be better for having gone through it! Plus, you rock all, so this upcoming move doesn't know what its in for. ;)

Anonymous said...

I think I really needed to read this post today to remember I'm not alone in feeling this way and that last image was a much needed reminder of what I should be doing. Thanks for writing this!

Stephanie said...

It is really difficult to make decisions when you aren't really sure where things will lead you. I felt like I was reading my situation from last year. You just need to think short term what can you plan on, and make contingency plans for long term. I was also very open with my employers about how up in the air things were because of the military and they were all very supportive and understanding. They also helped me look for opportunities that would a)help me become more marketable whatever my situation and b)fit a flexible timeline. I think you also just need to realize that it may not work out as perfectly as you hope, but that's ok if you are where you need to be at that time. Letting go of the control is perhaps one of the hardest things to deal with! Ugh I still deal with it daily...And don't knock base housing until you see your options. We absolutely love living on base!