One month in Paradise

Wow, have I really been on island for one whole month now?  I've been so used to saying that "we just got here," but I guess I can't really say that anymore, can I?  It's been an experience, for sure.  It has been an amazing experience so far, but it hasn't been all roses and sunshine.  Here's my take on the pros and the cons of island living in the Beautiful Okinawa, Japan.

Pros:  Umm...this Midwesterner is no longer land locked!  It is less than a ten minute drive to the ocean.  The ocean!!  I have never experienced being this close to the water before.  I am such a beach person, and although we've been busy doing other things, I have really enjoyed being able to take an impromptu beach trip.

Cons:  The tides and crazy weather!  So, I had no idea the tides and such could be chimed, so Joel and I had a beach fail last weekend.  We went, literally, at the lowest tide of the day.  It was barely to our ankles!  We decided to wait and try again another day, obviously.  The next day, it was gorgeous!  We ran errands to escape low tide again, and then went home to pack up and it started storming.  For hours.  It's hard to plan for beach days sometimes.  Or anything, really.  When the rain really falls, no umbrella or rain jacket will keep you dry.

See the people wading in their ankles?

Pros:  The delicious food!  Ramen takes on a whole new name here, and it is so delicious.  We also have tasty Hawaiian restaurants,  sushi places (for Joel, not me), and many, many other delights.  I am going to have to hit the gym hard here.  Plus, dining with a view isn't too shabby.

Cons:  They Japanese aren't always the best when choosing things to eat.  They sure have some disgusting things on the menu.  I am so happy when they have pictures on the menu to help us figure things out, because I sure can't read Japanese.  It's been a very hard hurdle, and I'm still pretty uncomfortable with not knowing the language, although I have learned a few key phrases.

I'll definitely have more observations as time goes on.  Right now, it feels like I am just on a really long vacation.  We have a house, but not our stuff (still have another month on that) and I haven't started work yet (tomorrow is the big day).  The weather is always hot and humid, which is a pro and a con (my poor curly hair!), and Joel's working weird shifts at the moment.  It's not our "new normal" yet, but I'm enjoying it for the most part.  I think month two is going to be very different.

Monday, Monday...

I realize that it is still Sunday for most of my friends back in the states, but it is Monday morning here in Okinawa.  I am still trying to fully adjust to the time, but the real test will be next week when I have to start back at work.  Right now, I'm sleeping until about 0830, and it is truly glorious.  Next week?  Back up at 0545.  I'm rather enjoying my life of luxury at the moment, but I know it won't be long until I go stir crazy, so I am happy to be rejoining the workforce less than a month after I left it.

We have started to make our "home" feel as much like home, without our stuff, as we can.  After so long living in a hotel, I am thankful to have a home to go to.  As I said before, I'm not super excited that it's on base.  Right now, they have a "live where you work" policy.  What that means is, that if the base you are stationed at (for Joel it is Kadena AB) is less than 98% full, you have to live on base.  If it's over that, then they look at a secondary location and it has to be below 98%.  If they are both above, then you are able to move off base.  For us, Kadena was pretty full, but our secondary base was only at, like, 70%.  We were told at first we would be placed there, and then magically they found a place for us to live on Kadena.  I would have rather gone to the other base, because it is closer to where I will be working, but there's no arguing here.  It is what it is, much to my dismay.  So, may I present our home to you during our time here.  It's not much to look at, but it does offer a view of the beautiful sunsets from the living room.  Inside photos to come when we have our stuff.

Moving Madness

As we speak, everything we own, minus two suitcases each, is getting packed up and loaded into a truck, and will soon make it's way to Okinawa!  We will see all of our stuff in approximately three months.  That time always feels like Christmas to me.

We checked into our hotel last night, and will be "homeless" until we arrive in Japan.  God willing, we will close on the house next week, and then we'll have nothing else to do (ish) until we fly out.

This is our cat's first time in a hotel with us, and he is none too pleased.  He likes having the house to roam, and all of his good hidey spots are gone.  But, he'll be fine.  Poor Pugsley, in his old age, gets the nervous trots, and had pretty bad diarrhea last night, but some medicine made him much better this morning.  Gomez is faring the best, but he's none too pleased about the random hallway noises.  He often, literally, voices his displeasure.  Thank God for thick walls.

I'll be sporadic for the next few weeks, so hang in there with me!  I'm super excited to do some PCS recaps, and to start exploring and sharing our new home.  The moving madness has started!!

Five on Friday

 

 1.  Happy Friday folks!  Wow, I don't know how it's continually possible, but I am more elated for this Friday than I have been lately.  We have had so much going on, it's been crazy.  This week we had our house inspection, appraisal, radon test, and termite check.  It hasn't been hard for us, but we're still waiting for the all clears, so that's been a tad stressful.  But, we may have some great news...

2.  Instead of going to Korea, there's a chance we will be moving to Okinawa, Japan instead!  Long story short, we had an assignment there back in February for a whole day.  Then, the Air Force switched us to Korea.  Now, the guy they switched us with can't go for whatever reason, so there's a good possibility that we're getting switched back!  Nothing is set in stone, of course, but I much prefer this location over Korea.  I mean, come on...wouldn't you?  Look at it!

3.  Tomorrow, I was invited to spend the day at a co-worker's houseboat on the Lake.  Umm...yes please!  That lovely tan I had while in Mexico is sadly no more, and this pasty girl needs some color!  So, there will definitely be a lot of this going on tomorrow.

4.  Also, next week is my girls' trip to Seattle!  I am so stoked.  I need some girly time away.  And although I'll miss Joel, I'm glad he'll be home to watch the boys.  I hate when we have to kennel the pups, and our normal dog sitter is unavailable due to being 7 months pregnant with twins.  Selfish!!!

5.  I don't really have a five for today.  There's just been so much going on, and so little free time, and now I might be moving sooner than anticipated.  I will greatly miss the St. Louis area, even more so than I thought when I first found out we were moving.  It's getting "real" now that I may never be back here, so I have so much to do to in the next six weeks so I can experience as much of what this great city has to offer as I can.

The only thing constant is change

 

It has been quite the week for me here.  We scheduled our HHG shipment (to send our stuff to Korea), we looked into Extended Stays for when our house closes, and we I also had my job interview (of which I have not yet been told the outcome).

Well, ladies and gents...they say to never count on anything in the military until you get orders.  Without going into any detail, because we don't yet have a 100% solution (as if we ever do), that saying might not be true.  We have orders, and things still might be changing.

More to follow soon (I hope)...

Decisions, Decisions...

I don't know about you, but I am a planner.  I would have my whole life planned out by now if it weren't for the Air Force constantly changing things on me.  For someone who has control issues (ahem...me), it makes for a difficult existence every two to three years.

Korea?  Wasn't even on the radar.  Colorado, Germany, staying here...those were the places and decisions I was comfortable with and felt like I had a mini plan for.  But, Korea?  That's a whole new ballgame.

We've been lucky that Joel's job came with command sponsorship for me.  For all the non military folks, that basically means that I'd get to go with.  For a lot of people, Korea is a "remote" assignment, meaning the service member goes alone for a year.  With family, at least for the AF, it's two years.

I have never not worked.  Ever.  I landed my first job at the right old age of 14, and have worked ever since.  Looking at working at Osan, it appears that I'll be mostly limited to food service or child care, neither of which I'd particularly enjoy.  I went to college for seven years precisely to have more opportunities than that.  I've applied for a few jobs at the Army post an hour away, and am still waiting to hear anything back.

So, I've come to a fork.  Joel going by himself?  Not an option for me, if I can avoid it.  We have spent far too much time apart already due to deployments and TDYs.  To choose to stay apart for a year?  Out of the question.

But, I discovered something interesting, lately.  There's a whole network of spouses that just move to Korea on their own.  They have fewer resources from the base, but at the same time, are still allowed a free Visa to live there, get to live off base, and can still use most base facilities.  And, the service member only has to serve one year, vice the two.

I'd get to live in Korea (versus on base), I'd only be out of a job only one year, and I'd get to be with my husband?  Sounds like a viable option, but the problem is, I don't know which is better?  Which should I choose?  I've never been to Korea, so it's hard to plan for a "this or that" scenario.

Why must the military stress me out so much?  Any advice?  I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what to do, but in the meantime, I think I am going to just pray about it.  Let go, and let God...

Getting Real

 
Rainbows and Butterflies: that's what we make our lives seem like on our blogs, right?  Of course, there's the "let's get real" kind of posts, or ones where we do silly vents or reveal our first world problems.  But, behind that, sometimes there are real problems that exist.  I'm going to open up a bit about something I've been struggling with lately.

Joel's a good man, he really is.  But lately...I don't know.  We're...off.  This is not to say that I think our marriage is in trouble or that we are headed off to "D-Ville."  Not. At. All.  But, we have been out of sync lately.  Marriage is hard.  I know that.  We've been pretty blessed that our relationship has been fairly easy so far.  Sure, we're always giving our best effort.  That's a no-brainer.  But, it hasn't been hard at all.

I know one part of it is that we are both wanting different things out of life right now.  Joel is getting promoted this month, due to all of his hard work.  I am so proud of him.  He also just hit his ten year mark in the Air Force.  He is loving his career, and can't wait for our upcoming PCS.  Me?  I am quite miserable professionally.  Yes, I have a great job, and yes, it pays well.  But, I am way over qualified and it brings me absolutely no professional satisfaction.  Basically, my job doesn't make a difference to anyone outside of my immediate co-workers (which I have to say I am blessed with some decent ones).

Just finishing my MAED, I really wanted to look for jobs in cities I've always wanted to live in.  Nashville, Chicago, or even back in my home of Indianapolis.  But, I can't do that.  Why?  There are no Air Force bases so that we can be stationed there.  Basically, if I get a job there, I don't get to be with Joel.  And, to be honest...I'm bitter about that.  Really bitter.  Not at him, per se, but kind of like...why can he have his dream, but I can't have mine?  And it's hard.  It's hard that he's excited and loves what he does, and I can't have that.  And I can't even apply around here, because it's not fair to whatever school might hire me.

And I don't want to sell our house, which I love.  But we have to, because we probably won't even get stationed here again.  I don't want to sell my car, which I love.  But, I have to.  Joel's is an SUV, and mine's a VW, so his is more practical.  And we are only allowed to take two pets, so I either have to leave one behind (which is like asking me to leave one child behind), or smuggle one in, which is what we are going to attempt.  I want roots.  I want to stay in one spot, and have our routine, and forever friends, and a community.  He's of the mindset that "home is wherever the military sends us."  And I've done my best to make every new place a home.  But, then I fall in love with our new home, and it soon gets ripped away.

And to top this all off, he's not being a good listener.  He's not being empathetic.  I think he doesn't know how to handle me, and to be honest, I don't know how to handle what I am feeling, either.  He doesn't remember conversations that we have, and I am tired of repeating myself.  I'm just...tired.  I find myself talking to him less because, lately, why bother?  I have no energy from my headaches, which is making me worst wife of the year in a lot of ways.

He's a good man, he is.  But we are struggling.  And I am struggling.  And it's hurting our relationship.  Will we persevere?  Of course.  We love each other, and even though I am the biggest supporter of "needing more than love," we have more.  We are hard working people that love each other very much.  We will work through this, because we will both put in the effort to.  But, right now?  It's hard, and I'm hurting.  And I'm not really sure, at the moment, where to go from here.

Coming to the year's end...

Oh my goodness, is it December already?  I mean seriously, where has this year gone?  I know where the last 16 weeks have gone.  To finally finishing up this crazy degree of mine.  This is my last week, and then I will officially be a graduate of graduate school.  Seems so unreal.  I have so many thoughts circling my head about what exactly finishing will mean for me and to me, but they deserve their own little post.  But for now, I have four days and counting...

Thanksgiving was (mostly) nice.  I miss my sister so much, so it is always good to see her.  I wish I could steal her away sometimes and keep her with me always, but I'll have to settle for seeing her as much as I can.  My step-dad (the only real dad I have known, so he is "dad") is a simple man of few words, but he is always a pleasure to be around.  He's a big goofball, but such a caring man.  My mother, on the other hand...her and I have always had a bit of a difficult relationship.  Let's just say we are very different people, and she pretty much disagrees with everything I have ever done and will ever do.  So seeing her, as much as I love her, stressed me out.  Anyways...  We had a big, delicious spread of food, but I was too busy trying to enjoy the moment that I didn't snap any photos.  In fact, the only picture I got the whole weekend was of my sister and I at IKEA.  Oh, St. Louis...the rumors better be true about an IKEA coming.  I've missed it.

Hello, Swedish meatballs!

In other news, while we don't have official orders in hand, we got sort of a "heads up" on our next duty assignment.  It looks like we are headed to South Korea this summer, and I am so torn about it.  While I loved my experience in Germany, I am not looking forward to this move.  Joel had ten bases on his wishlist, and suffice it to say this was not one of them.  I had dreamed of every base on that list, but I just can not imagine myself living here.  I'm so taken aback.  I haven't fully digested that we are leaving for Asia yet, and I'm not sure I will until he gets the orders in hand.  But, I can tell you I've cried the ugly cry about it already.  I feel like Joel worked so hard to get a good assignment, and even took a highly coveted crappy assignment here that he didn't want just to improve our chances.  The Air Force laughed and said "too bad, we know what's better for his career," and so everything he did was for nothing.  I am not a happy military wife these days, and I'm just hoping the experience will be better than what I am imagining.  The only thing I can think that it will be good for is curing some of wanderlust.

Happy Veteran's Day

Home of the free, because of the brave. Thank you to my husband, my father-in-law, all of the men and women in uniform that I've met along the way, and everyone that risks their life for our freedom. God Bless, and Happy Veterans Day to all those service members past, present and future.

Who am I?

How in the world is it the middle of July already?  I swear, the older I get, the more quickly time passes by.  Sometimes, I wish it would just slow down so I can savor those moments that I want to remember forever, and imprint them in my mind better.

So, tomorrow will officially mark one month until I start my practicum, which will be the last semester in my Masters Program.  Bless my boss, because he is willing to let me work around that to get some hours in so that I can still earn some semblance of an income while I am doing this.

I have such mixed emotions about my program ending.  I have to say without a doubt that I love all the experience and time I have put in with these kids who have special needs.  Ranging from Down Syndrome to Autism, being with these kids have taught me so much.  And even if I may not use my degree to teach in the near future, I believe that my program has made me a better person, and I vow to at least continue to volunteer with Special Needs Organizations in order to try and make their lives just a little better.

However...professionally, I am struggling so much.  I continue to feel down on myself, and I'm not sure how to pull myself out of the professional funk I'm in.  I loved my job working for the Army.  I felt like what I did directly impacted the warfighter, and although I am against war, I am (obviously) pro service members.  But, I always thought I'd take my Poli Sci Degree to Washington and use it to change this world for the better.  I truly believe it is one's mission in life to leave this world a little better than they found it, and there are some issues I am truly passionate about.

When I married Joel, well...this may sound like a broken record now, but I felt like my career and my aspirations were put on hold.  I know "that's what I signed up for" and I knew that was a possibility, but I didn't think it would hurt my self esteem this much.

I make a decent wage and I still work for the government.  I enjoy the people I work with, and the work I do isn't bad.  But, I don't feel like what I am doing is making an impact.  I know I am capable of more.  My boss has been incredible and this job has been very low stress, which has been a blessing since I have been doing my Masters full time as well.  But, I feel like a part of me is missing.  And I don't know what to do about it.

I don't know how to fill that void right now.  I don't know if I can fill that void as long as I'm subject to the Air Force's whims of moving often and to who knows where.  I guess I just really needed to get all of this out.  Friends here don't understand, and I don't have any kind of mentor to look up to for advice.  And Joel, bless his heart, feels terrible that I feel this way, and he doesn't need that burden, either. 

I just wish there was a crystal ball that God would hand me to show me which way to go and where this path is leading me.  I have issues with not being in control of things, and I have to say that as a military wife, there is little I can control.  Where am I going to live next year?  What am I going to do?  Will I have friends or family nearby?  Who am I?  What defines me?  Who knows... 

A little brag on the hubster...

So, the Air Force does something I find kind of odd.  When people come up for promotions, they are selected for the opportunity of being promoted.  Not to actually be promoted right away, but that they are worthy someday of wearing the next rank.  It's called being insert rank here select.  Weird, right?  How would you like to be told at work, "you are doing outstanding work, definitely worthy of a promotion...in a year or two."

Anyways, Joel made the "select" list for Major, and while I find the process a little bit odd, I'm nevertheless super proud of him!  So, we think he's in the first third-ish of selectees, and he said that he thinks he'll be promoted in about 18-24 months.  So, basically nothing has changed.

But, just to show that the Air Force has somewhat of a sense of humor about all of this, they had Joel wear extra large cartoon-ish versions of what his new rank will look like.  At least they know their rules make no sense, right?

Congrats, honey!

Random thoughts of a military spouse.

I have been compiling a list of thoughts I've had lately that stem from my association as a military spouse.  I've struggled about posting them, because honestly I don't like offending anyone.  I hope that no one that reads my blog takes any of this personally.

Whether you are a part from your significant other for a day, a week, a month, or a year...you are entitled to miss them.  If I am your friend, I want you to be able to lean on me.  If your husband is gone for a week and mine for a year, it is not a contest and I will not make you feel bad for talking to me about it.  Sometimes I think military spouses play the "I have it worse" game, and I hate it.

 

Being married is not a job.  Is it hard work?  Absolutely!  But I would never say my job is a military spouse.  Would you say your job is as an electrician's spouse or an attorney's spouse?  Absolutely not!  I love my husband, and while parts of this lifestyle are not easy, it is definitely not a job.

 

 



It's ok to have your own likes, dislikes, interests, and hobbies.  Spouses do not wear any kind of uniform, unless they serve themselves, and whether your husband is higher or lower ranking than mine, I do not care.  The first question out of anyone's mouth that I meet on base is something along the lines of "where does your husband work/what does he do/what rank is he."  How about asking about me first.  I promise I will do the same.

Do you want them home, or do you not want them home?  Pick a side!  Also, do not assume that I am "weird" or "not married long enough" when I don't like when he goes TDY.  I adore my husband, and at least for the foreseeable future, I will never be happy or relieved when he is called away at the last minute.

___________________________________________________________

Lastly, I want to thank everyone who puts up with this lifestyle.  There are pros, cons, good days, and bad.  And while it's not easy, I don't think the answer is picking on other military spouses.  We all make our own decisions in life, and it's not fair to say someone is right or wrong whether they work or don't work, live off or on base, or love or hate the military lifestyle.  As women (and some men), we need to work together and lift up others in a time of need; not tear them down.

-End of Soapbox-

Ramblings of a Disgruntled Military Wife

Image found here.

I have always had pretty high career aspirations.  When I graduated with my B.S. in Political Science and History, my big plan was to move to D.C. or some larger city and work in either Policy or Lobbying.  Not for just anything, but for something I was really passionate about.  I even toyed with the idea of Law School to work in Constitutional Law.  When I got a job in Germany working for the military, I kind of put those dreams on hold.  Even though I'm somewhat of a pacifist, I really wanted to help our military out in whatever capacity I could.  And hey, who wouldn't kill (figuratively, of course) for an opportunity to live and work overseas?  So, I put my professional future on hold.

I actually really liked what I did for the military. I was basically a glorified office manager, but I took a lot of pride in my work.  And hey, government pay and benefits were pretty good.  I never intended to love what I did, but in reality, I kind of did.  It was challenging and rewarding, and I felt like I was making a small difference.  There would be plenty of time to make an impact later.

Enter Joel.  The man of my dreams, my soul mate...even though I swore I didn't want to be a military wife.  But, I thought that I could kind of have it all.  The career and the relationship.  When we moved to this base, I thought it would be easy with my experience, education, and drive to pick up right where I left off.  But, I was wrong.

It took forever to find a job on base.  Like, almost a year.  In the meantime I took a rewarding internship and substitute taught in the local school districts, and decided that I myself would go back to school for special education, to make a difference in my local community (wherever that ends up being).  I never meant to give up on my dreams, but Law School would be impossible if I were to move every 2-3 years, and Joel obviously didn't get orders anywhere near D.C.

I was ecstatic to finally get a job on base again.  I thought I would show them my drive and passion, and there would be plenty of opportunities to advance.  But, what I didn't realize is that the organization I signed on with consisted mostly of technician positions.  Positions that I am nowhere qualified to hold.  So, I put my efforts into schooling, but I increasingly felt like a failure for being stagnant in my profession.

An opportunity came open at work that I believed I would be a perfect fit for.  It was in a different division, but I thought all of my qualifications would at least warrant an interview.  Plus, I was internal.  No adjustment period required!  I began to get hopeful, and even talked to Joel about maybe trying to make this area a permanent home for us, which would have completely changed our lives around.  But, for whatever reason, I (along with about six other folks I work with) was never even given a chance.  No interview, no explanation.  I was crushed.  If it was in my Division, I know my boss would have pushed for me to get a chance.  He always tells me what a great job I'm doing, and I recently received a stellar performance review.  I began to question my worth, my professional future, and my abilities.

It's hard making a name for yourself, especially when you basically live as a nomad.  I had such high hopes for myself, and now I wonder what my path should be.  I try to trust in my faith and put these kinds of decisions in God's hands.  But, I'm only human, and I am weak when it comes to leaving those kinds of decisions up to Him.  I have issues letting go of control.  Especially decisions like this.  But, obviously it's completely out of my control.  I feel like I have taken what ever steps I could to be successful, and just haven't been able to take advantage of the minimal opportunities this base has to offer.  And now with sequestration looming, the chance to move up here, or anywhere, is looking slimmer.  I may lose out on paid days even in my current position, and I pray that all of us here in our organization avoid any cuts that may happen.  The fiscal crisis doesn't just affect the $100K and over crowd.  It affects us little guys, too.

I have no choice but to soldier on.  I will focus on what I can control.  I will complete my master's degree this year.  If I can't move up here on base, I will focus on trying to get orders to a base bordering a bigger city with more opportunities.  Other than that...well, I'm still not sure what path I am supposed to be on.  Hopefully trying to leave it in God's hands will bring me some much needed peace.

Sometimes, being a military spouse blows.

I'm about to get all deep up in here.  You've been forewarned.

I never grew up around the military.  I was born in the same house that I graduated from high school from.  Indiana was home, and the only home I could ever fathom myself living in.  When circumstances brought me over to Germany, where I worked for the U.S. Army, I become involved in a world that seemed foreign to me.  I think I had a romanticized view of the military.  Getting stationed exotic places, having get togethers and being friends with all of your neighbors, and living in this sort of secret society that few know about.  I learned quickly that's not what the military life was like.  I saw heartache after heartache due to long separations, moves far away from any family support in sometimes undesirable locations (North Dakota, anyone?), gossipy support groups rather than supportive ones, deployments that took away best friends and spouses, sometimes forever.  I will never forget the day that a friend's husband, one who I had over to my house for football games and holidays, etc., died in Iraq.  I vowed that while I loved and supported our men and women in uniform, I was happy to just support them, and not ever become a part of a military family.

Well, obviously plans changed.  While I was minding my own business dreaming of where the army would take me next, Joel happened.  He changed my view on lots of things: men, commitment, life.  I couldn't help but fall for him, even though I knew what that meant.  I was in a good place in life.  A college graduate with a pretty good job, great friends, living over in Europe, and comfortable.  That all changed, of course, after I said "I do."  I love Joel with all of my heart, but this post isn't about him.  While I will never ever regret becoming his wife, I wish that we had found each other a different way.  Of course, with me being from Indiana and him from Oregon, that kind of a situation would be unlikely.  So, I'll take what I can get.

I thought even better things were falling into place when we received orders for our next assignment:  Scott AFB, IL.  I'm a Midwestern girl through and through, and I thought, finally!  A place that feels like home.  Although I would have loved to stay in Germany or move somewhere else overseas, that wasn't what was best for Joel's career.  He spent his entire career up to that point overseas, and needed to get some stateside experience.  I thought that going back (ish) to my roots would be great!  I'd fit right in, love the area, and things would resume to my normal like they had when I moved from Indiana to Germany.

I learned a few things very quickly.  Southeastern Illinois (right outside of St, Louis) is not Indiana.  People aren't near as friendly, the drivers are terrible, and all Midwestern towns are not the same.  Although I really enjoy St. Louis, we chose to live on the Illinois side in order to live closer to base, since we both were going to work there.  We bought a house that I love, but you know...I have only met one neighbor.  There are hardly any waves back to me as I'm out and kids stare at you like you have two heads.  This was not the neighborhood I grew up in.  And for the record, I also learned that I hate the suburbs.  I grew up a whopping 7 minutes from downtown Indy, and I loved the convenience of everything and the diversity of what was around me.  I am a true urban dweller, although I learned that this time a little too late.

And as far as work, well...let's just say that even though there are a gazillion hiring promotions for hiring military spouses (thanks, but no thanks, Michelle and Jill), they are mostly for minimum wage jobs, and not anything that matches my experience or education.  And on base, there's even a stigma that we are going to start work and then either get pregnant or move (again).  I've had employers straight up tell me that they didn't really want to hire military spouses.  I am very thankful of the job that I have.  I like the people I work with and do decent work, but I am just capable of so much more.  I'm having a hard time growing professionally here.

And that awesome group of friends that I was hoping to meet?  echo, echo...  I'll let you know when I find them.  I've met a couple of great gals, only to be dropped like a bad habit when someone better came along.  Most military spouses don't work for various reasons, and I can't compete with the girl that can drop everything and meet for a 9am coffee.  I have one good friend here that I think I could count on, but that's it.  I don't know what it is, because I have never had any issues meeting and making new friends.  Is it because I'm older (a whopping 28)?  Is it because most of my peers have kids and I don't?  Do I suck as a friend?  I don't know.  But it's lonely.  I couldn't even find one person that wanted to go out and watch the Notre Dame game with me last night.  Makes me feel like such a loser.

And home?  Where is that again?  For the next 12-ish years, I will be moving every 2-3 years and having to play this same game all over again.  I can't even truly feel at home because I know we will most likely get orders and be off again next year.  To where?  Who knows.  I am such a planner, and feel so much anxiousness on not being able to plan for the future.  Hell, Joel and I have tickets to see a show next month, and more than likely he's going to be gone doing an Air Force something or another. 

It's frustrating.  It's lonely.  I miss my old life.  Joel is a great support for me.  He is encouraging and sweet, and does everything he can to make things easier on me.  The problem is, there are things that are out of control.  He can't always be here.  And while I pride myself on my self sufficiency, it's hard to be married and still be alone so much in life.

If you got this far, thanks for listening.  I know there are some people that thrive with this lifestyle, and maybe I need to be more adaptable and open.  But, sometimes, it just sucks.