He's home.

Joel has officially been home for nine days now.  Picking him up at the airport couldn't have been any smoother or sweeter.  Even though I didn't cry the ugly cry when I saw him, it was so emotional seeing him again.  It was even better than I had imagined, and because he came in on a Friday, we were able to have the whole weekend together before he had to report to the base for his inprocessing / reintegration.

I was worried about him coming home.  I have read stories about how hard it is for that person to "fit" back into home life, both for the service member and the spouse.  I have to say that in our case, it is like he had never left.  Despite the nearly 48 hours of travel, he adjusted pretty well to the time difference, and we were on the same sleep schedule on night two.

I'm sure I'll have much more to post as the time progresses, and I finally get to take a few days off of work to hang with him, but right now I am still in the honeymoon/re-deployment stage, and I couldn't be happier.

The package has landed in America!

We are so stinking close to this deployment being over!  I apologize in advance, but I may be MIA for a week or so.  Fingers crossed the final legs of travel go smoothly for the hubster!

Finally Friday

Oh, Friday.  I've been waiting for you all week!  And I am super stoked that you have finally arrived.

So, this week ends a grueling summer term at grad school.  And I know classes just ended yesterday, but I am excessively checking for my grades that have not yet appeared?  Does/did anyone else do this?  I am a bit obsessive!  With only five more classes to go, I am still holding onto my 4.0, and anything that could change that makes me go bonkers!  In one class, I am pretty sure I am getting an A, but in the other...who knows.

Friday is also the start of the last full weekend until the hubster gets home!  I swear, work should let me take sick leave to mentally prepare.  And if I wasn't such an awesome, stellar employee, I might have used it anyways.  But I am a horrid liar (call it Catholic guilt), so alas, all next week I will be (im)patiently awaiting for my hubby's arrival, whenever that will be.

Tomorrow also marks the day of the Tap N Run!  What is it, you say?  It's about the silliest race ever, but a new friend invited me along with her group of girlies, so I am excited to go.  You can read all about it here.  I am excited.  I'm not a beer drinker, so I will be opting for the non-alcoholic refreshment offered (why can''t they just have wine?!), but it looks like it is shaping up to be a blast.  Plus we are running in costume.  Yes, we will be superheroes.  I am going as sidekick Robin.  I even have a cape!  You don't have to wait for the photos in order to imagine the shenanigans that are going to ensue.

Other than that, things are going to be pretty low key.  And for once, I really like it that way.

The Military gods

The military gods aren't like regular "gods."  While they are mythical, and you do pray for them to do their magic, you don't really pray to them.  You pray to your God for them to work their magic, and sometimes do a little rain-esque dance in hopes that things will go your way.  Those spouses that have been around the proverbial military block know what I mean when I say they rarely, if ever, bring good news into your life.

Well, the military gods are smiling down on me right now.  I thought my beloved husband would be back at the earliest in the middle of August, but more likely the end o fit.  However, unless the gods change their minds (which they can be known to do), my dear, amazing husband will be back home with me in less than three weeks!  I am ecstatic!  I dare not tick off the military gods that be, and if you could all do a little wiggle dance to the gods for me, I would be eternally grateful.

Less than three weeks!  Can you believe it?!  I can't believe this deployment is thisclose to being over.

Changes

So, I’ve gone through a lot of changes lately.  They’re not all tangible, and some are wanted more than others.  Some have caused indecision, some unhappiness, and some peace.  I’ll explain as much as I can.

This deployment has challenged me.  It’s not even over yet, but I feel like I have grown as a person so much more because of it.  In the time Joel has been gone, I have had two minor surgeries, refinished my kitchen countertops, needed a new roof put on because of a crazy hail storm, dealt with two different infestations of ants (gross!), gone from working fulltime to substitute teaching and interning back to working fulltime, completed 6 more classes towards my Master’s degree, had indecision about what to do with my life (in the middle of all the work/school change stuff), gained new friends with whose relationship I hope will continue to grow, have had to back away from other friendships that were poisonous, and dealt with a lot of loneliness and disappointment, but also have had my faith redeemed in humanity.  I know, a lot of contradiction, huh?

I have always tried to figure out where I “fit,” and am starting to be comfortable with the idea that maybe I don’t fit in a tiny little box that defines me.  It makes me sad sometimes, because if I don’t fit anywhere, then who am I?  But I am working through that.  I don’t feel like I “fit” as a military wife.  I hate moving, I have way too many control issues, and I have too many plans of my own that I know may possible never be.  But, I love Joel with all of my being, so I make it work.  I just feel like I work too hard to fit in a community that I feel uncomfortable around as a spouse.

I have always been career oriented, but have been struggling with what that looks like and if I can really accomplish the professional satisfaction that I crave.  I am meant to work.  I am meant to make a way for myself.  But, I struggle with making those gains and then losing them with a move or not having similar or challenging opportunities at the next base.

I struggle with the fact that I am 28 and have no desire to have biological children of my own.  Will this ever change?  Maybe.  But, in my current position I am constantly made to feel like there is something wrong with me or that I have misplaced values.  Would I love to adopt?  Absolutely, but Joel isn’t there yet.  Do I love kids?  Mostly, lol.  I have had a heart for every student in every classroom that I have been in, and hold my goddaughter in a precious place in my heart.  I just don’t have the urge to bear children of my own.  That is my decision, and I wish that others (some that I barely even know) would cease to have an opinion of that.

If you got this far, thanks for listening to my rambling.  It’s been so long since I have really REALLY blogged, and while I have the desire, I sometimes refrain for fear of what others might say.  But, this is my blog and my personal space, so I hope that you all don’t disown me for my crazy rambles that I throw out there every now and then.

Living the Dream

So, remember in January when I was so excited that I finally landed a job?  Looking for a job in suburbia, for lack of a better term, sucks.  Even with all of my qualifications, (hey, I think seven years working in a high stress military environment gives me some credibility) I was either way over or under qualified for everything I applied for.  I couldn't even get an intern job at the history museum and I have a freaking Bachelor's degree in History!  Boo...

Well, work has been fine.  Nothing fancy, and it only paid "ok."  But, yesterday, I got the call I have been waiting since we moved here for.  For the next, well, foreseeable future, I will be spending my days doing work for a non for profit organization that works with children that have Down Syndrome.  Yes folks, this is my dream job.  I know I am getting my Masters degree in Special Education, but I really wanted to work for an agency like this.  They hold 60-ish events each year to celebrate and support those that have DS.  I couldn't imagine a better place to work.  While I felt like I made a difference working for the army, I will now be able to see that difference that I hope to make.  To make a child laugh and smile is a gift from God, and that will be my life starting in two weeks.  I am truly blessed.

In other news, I have been back on the workout train.  Without mentioning my actual weight, I have put on way too many pounds since marrying my love.  And while he's away, I am going to work on getting that figure back.  Our local radio station is doing a weight loss challenge where the winner gets a free trip to Jamaica.  Awesome, right?  And if that's not enough motivation, they also gave away a free month long membership at one of the local gyms.  A girl that I work with, who is fastly becoming a dear friend, decided to sign up with me as a team.  It's been great having a workout buddy, and so far in the first week I am down 2.2 pounds.  Whoo hoo!

Joel is doing just fine.  I miss him like crazy, though.  He's only been gone a little over two weeks, but at least I have been keeping busy.  Between school, work, the gym, and occasional time with friends, not to mention taking care of our zoo at home, I've stayed pretty busy, which I think is key.  I've noticed two occasions where his absence is much more noticeable than other times.  When I either get up in the morning or go to bed, and when I get some news I want to celebrate.  Getting up because he normally handles the dogs (which I now do), and of course going to bed alone is never fun.  Well, Pugsley sleeps in the bed, but that's a little different.  But, it was really hard to have such exciting news and not be able to just call him and tell him about it or to go out to dinner or something to celebrate.  Those are the times that are the hardest on me.

Other than that, life is good!  The weather has been amazingly beautiful, I scored another A at school which keeps my 4.0 intact, the house has been good to me, and somehow I am keeping it all together while Joel is gone.

These are a few of my (least) favorite things.

Ok folks.  Time to get personal here.  Since Joel has been gone, I have been a little sensitive to things that people say/think/do.  So, in an effort to make some people aware of things that they may do that maybe aren't so nice, I have compiled a small list.

1.  If the person you are talking to loves where they are from, don't proceed to tell them how much you hate said place.  I happen to love Indianapolis (where I grew up) and was so excited that they put on such a good Superbowl weekend.  They were voted one of the best Superbowl cities, and handled the event with class.  So, if I tell you how much I love and miss my home state, do not tell me how much you hate it there, how stupid it is, etc.  It is frankly a little rude.

2.  Along the same lines, don't openly bash a friend's religion.  I am Catholic.  While I do not believe everything that the church teaches (or sometimes does), do not tell me that you think Catholics are perverted, that Mass (which I find much spiritual satisfaction in) is boring, or that we are trying to impose our beliefs on everyone (i.e. the birth control controversy).  It is a fundamental right to practice our religion.  While the church does not believe in birth control, I do.  I am a birth control user, and believe that if it was God's will for me to get pregnant, then I would be.  But, I believe that the church has the right to their beliefs, and so I support them in trying to fight for those rights.  That does not make me small minded.

3.  I understand that Joel isn't gone forever or getting shot at every day.  But, that does not make this deployment easy on me.  I am missing my best friend every single day that he is gone.  I wake up alone, sleep alone, and eat dinner most nights alone.  My loneliness does not go away because someone else has it worse.  Someone else always has it worse.  By you telling me how it could be worse does not help me.  So please stop.

4.  Not everything has to be a contest.  If I say that I did something, you don't have to tell me how you did the same thing 100x better.  I am proud of my accomplishments.  I love when friends share stories, because it is great to be able to relate to someone, but you don't always have to be better than me.  I promise I'll still be your friend if you are not better than me.  But I might stop if you continue to tell me how awesome you are.

5.  Also, what is up with being fake all of a sudden?  Why tell me one thing, and then act in a completely different manner.  Just be real with me.

6.  What is up with entitlement?  That's all I really have to say about that one.  No one deserves anything that they didn't work for.


Whoo...I feel so much better!  Any pet peeves that you are dying to share?

My Week: A Recap

Joel successfully made it to his final destination, and the deployment has officially began.  Luckily, the good people at United Airlines allowed me a gate pass to send him off.  Everything was going fine, and it seemed fitting our last "meal" together before he left was coffee at Starbucks.  Somehow, Starbucks always seems to wiggle its way into my milestones.  Everything went well until they called for his plane to board.  I'm not going to lie: I cried the ugly cry.  You know that cry, the one that leaves you making noises that don't sound human and makes your face all puffy?  Yeah, that was me at the airport.  Luckily it was pretty apparent what was going on, and no one gave me too weird of a look.  Things have gone better since then.  Joel leaves quite often to go TDY (meaning on temporary duty), so a few days seem like normal.  I think reality will hit in about a month, or when I have to mow the grass.  Whichever comes first.

St. Louis has had some crazy weather lately.  Or at least I think it has.  I remember Februaries in Indiana being bitterly cold and usually pretty snowy.  This week it was in the sixties and I walked the dogs without a jacket on.  And then there's been the tornadoes.  Those are not so fun when you sleep alone.  The sirens go off, they make the dogs bark, I wake up.  Then wash, rinse, and repeat.  While I grew up with tornadoes (my mom's house has had damage twice), it is a little different now that I own my own home and am all alone.  I walked around, and luckily there was no damage of any kind.  Let's hope those occurrences stay to a minimum.

I had another day of observations.  I swear, I love those kids already.  Each time I go to my class, I realize that kids with special needs are just kids.  They just want to be loved and believed in like any other kid.  In one of my special ed classes, we watched a documentary called "Without Pity" which basically said that these kids get enough pity.  And I think it reigns true.  These kids are teaching me not to pity them, but to love and teach them.  It only reinforces my desire to learn all I can and to love what I do.  And every time I get a spontaneous hug from one of them, which happens at least once every time, I just smile.  Things like that completely reinforce my feelings of this is what I am meant to do.  To not only love what I do, but to make a difference.  I feel very blessed because I have the opportunity to go back to school and change careers.  Sure, I hate the papers I have to write and the long evening classes, but all of it is to teach me how to be better for them.  God is good, but sometimes he is extra great.

Normalcy?

Well, we have been back for a few days now, and some normalcy has set in.  We ran long overdue errands this weekend, I got caught up on schoolwork, we had morning coffee in the sun room with our pups, and Joel prepared for work this week.  All was fairly normal. except for that last part.  D-Day (ish) is upon us, and we are doing our best in the midst of chaos to handle it.  Do deployments suck?  You bet they do.  But, I am trying not to let that weigh me down.  Sure, he is going to miss my birthday, his birthday, our anniversary, and lots of other days, but we still have each other, and he will come home.  I need to stay busy with school, work, and the pups.  Plus, I am going to try to get my fitness on (didn't I say that before? hmm...) and try to work on some self improvements.

Wish me luck that the tearful goodbye isn't quite so tearful and that Joel makes it off without a hitch.  I will update once both of those have been accomplished.

Lots O' Changes!

Sorry I haven't been around very much, but there have been lots of changes around here!  The big news is...I got into grad school!  I registered Monday, which was pretty surreal, and am taking three classes and doing a field observation.  Wowness!  I also got a part time job working from home which is super convenient, but also a downer because I will have to work Sundays.  It starts next week, so we'll see how that goes.  And the last bit of news, sadly, is that Joel was tasked for a deployment.  We knew it was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier.  I'll write more as it approaches, but right now I am letting things sink in.

We are learning our new area and I can successfully make it to the Petsmart, Starbucks, and the gym without the aid of the GPS.  Oh, and if I didn't mention it before, we got our household goods from Germany!  So, once again I am living amongst the boxes.  I promise I will do my best shortly to be a better blogger, and I will expand on all topics mentioned in this blog.  Thanks for sticking in there with me :)